It’s been roughly three and a half weeks since I broke my arm. In that time, the new Cherry Posse has started training, I’ve had to lay off working out at the gym, and I’ve been suffering from a crisis of confidence.
Last week, the Desert Dolls posted a photo of the new Cherries on their Facebook wall. I’ll admit, I did shed a tear or two out of pure disappointment. To know that I was so close, had talked about going out, written about it and then blown the opportunity with a bad decision, I was kicking myself.
As more time has gone by and my arm is still hurting, I’m starting to doubt myself. I worry that maybe I don’t really have what it takes to be a derby dame. Knowing how unsteady I was, combined with the real consequences of an injury, I’m afraid. I have to constantly convince myself that I can do it; but, there’s a little voice inside me, whispering that I’m way too old for this shit (to quote Danny Glover.)
The teasing that I’ve endured hasn’t helped. I realize that this whole derby thing appears to be pretty ridiculous to some. Even my mother will occasionally ask, “Are you SURE you want to do this?” That’s usually after I’ve been whining about my arm hurting. It’s also been suggested that there are plenty of hobbies better suited to someone my age…knitting being the most popular.
A broken arm and a sling make great props for insurance open enrollment meetings, though. Standing in front of a group of employees, serving as a real life Show and Tell example of how things like urgent care visits, x-rays, durable medical equipment and physical therapy sessions are covered, I provide a better understanding of their benefits. My partner loves to have me explain how I broke my arm. I know she gets a kick out of the idea of me on skates.
This morning, I had my first physical therapy appointment. After a pile of paperwork, full of redundant forms, I spent about an hour with the therapist. He moved my arm around a lot, took measurements to determine loss of range of motion and had me do several exercised. He also used ultrasound therapy. He reassured me that my wrist is probably not fractured, based on how it felt during the ultrasound and with movement. He gave me a list of exercised to do twice a day, and cleared me to start going to the gym to work on cardio.
For now, I’m going to work on healing, conditioning, and my bruised self-confidence. As soon as I get cleared to skate again, I’m going to have to put them on (along with my pads & helmet) and try again. Maybe if I don’t think about things too much, May will get here and I’ll just get myself to the next Cherry Posse start-up and make this happen.